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CARPENDIPITY
Izaak
Walton called her 'the queen
of the rivers' Jethro Hatfield
calls her 'some derned fine
eatin'. Prithee, what do
you say about Ms. Carp?
I, personally know few words
adequate to describe this
ubiquitous citizen of our
water ways. Words like puckeritudinous,
tweescent, and piscanthropic
spring to mind, but few
words I can invent get to
the core of the mystery
surrounding this much maligned
and much loved import from
Asia.
Most
certainly carp have tweescence.
At least when they are up
in a twee, I'm pretty sure
they can sense it. In fact,
my observation of carp,
(a lifetime’s effort)
has shown me that carp may
have much more than tweescence.
Some times they almost seem
to have six or seven. And
for twoscence I'd go into
this further.
One
needs but observe the hectickity
of his actions to discern
this. I have observed on
the same water seasoned
Nebraskan carp addicts fish
fanatically for them a whole
day with never a nibble;
and I have seen my own son
haul in a ten pounder the
first time he ever laid
his seven-year-old little
hands on a rod. Now that,
my friend is tweescence.
Or is it tweescentwicity?
As
for puckeritudity, only
the noble Bois de Souix
red horse sucker comes anywhere
near matching the carp for
puckeritudity unless one
were to mention certain
women and certain uncertain
men before their mirrors.
For as the bard once said,
'there was never fair lady
but she made mouths in a
glass.' And 'mouthe' how
they will, they'll never
out-pucker the queen of
the rivers, Ms. Carp.
Certainly
the carp, whose piscanthropicity
speaks for itself, also
defies all culinary logic.
Some call it the finest
smoked fish next to king
salmon, while others carp
that all carp should be
used for fertilizer.
Who
are we to believe? Shall
it be Jaques Horatio Herter,
who in his world-renowned
recipe for 'carpe par les
vous usted espanol' calls
carp a dish fit for the
gods. Or shall it be my
German uncle, Roy Strobusch,
who sampling carp for the
first time, proclaimed "-
Auf wieder schitzen! Who
und himmel put mud in mine
fish?"
I
would love to be able to
tell you how to make carp
taste good, but a severe
sinus infection years ago
knocked out my olfactory
nerves, and I have ben quite
tasteless ever since, as
this article certainly demonstrates.
Perhaps
the secret of the Carp's
puissance as well as its
pusillanimity is this: he
is the Archie Bunker of
the squamous tribe. You
will either love him or
you'll hate him. But only
the man who's been slugged
up side the head with a
20 pounder can totally disregard
him. (G.P.)
A
postscript for fishermen
Here's
an April tip for all you
young river rats who can't
wait to wet a line: from
early April up to the beginning
of the game-fish season,
May 1st, there
is always a healthy run
of pucker fish in the red
River and all its tributaries.
If you can find some quieter
eddies or backwaters where
the sun has warmed up the
water a bit, you are almost
certain to find red horse,
carp, drum and bullheads
hanging out in the area
where the fast water meets
the slow.
A
nightcrawler presented on
light spinning tackle on
a no. 4 bait holder hook
and suspended just off the
bottom under a 1'’
clip-on float should get
you into some fine action
in a hurry. Use only a split
shot or two for weight and
don't scare the fish off
with big ugly leaders and
snaps. If the water’s
too deep, go to a lindy
rig and use a sensitive
rod to feel those subtle
bites that carp are so well
known for. If you don’t
have the time of your life,
some fish-bigoted adult
has probably poisoned your
mind against these great
fish. Just have fun catching
them and throwing them back.
Please don't leave the bank
littered with dead fish.
It is poor sportsmanship
and against the law to boot.
By
the way, carp can be quite
good eating IF someone knows
how to cook them. But that’s
a mighty big IF. Good Fishing.
'God does not deduct from
the allotted time of man,
those hours blessed in fishing.'
(Ancient Proverb)
*
First
published in “Where
the Wild Thyme Blows”
spring 1974
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